In Its Right Place

I’ve been thinking a lot about the future.

During my first year of college (and probably into my second), I had a friend who became increasingly annoyed by my anxiety over whether or not I’d be able to do what I wanted after graduation. Why a freshman would even contemplate these things in such a serious manner is now beyond me, but at the time, it seemed like a good thing to worry about. My impending future: the minutes ticking away and so ominous! At some point during first semester of this past year, though, I realized I’ll be okay. I might have to take a job that doesn’t altogether please me for a little bit, and I might have to settle for living in some shitty apartment if I have my eye on a Manhattan or Brooklyn home base, but in the end, everything will work itself out. I won’t be out on the street, living in some cardboard duplex. I won’t be struggling to pay for bills or food. I’ll be all right. (Part of me wishes I could tell that friend, who's since, and unfortunately, become former.)

It’s been nice to know a bunch of graduates I'm friends with are living comfortably. Their apartments may not be adorned with thousand-dollar furniture and they may be sharing rent (and kitchen space) with three other people, but they’re also fairly happy, and that’s what counts most. Some of them have real world jobs, while others are still looking for positions that will get them health insurance and relinquish them of boredom. It’s a day-to-day process, but it seems to be going smoothly, and it’s comforting to know no one’s suffering and probably won’t ever be.

My cousin called earlier today, which was nice, because we haven’t spoken extensively for a while. I saw her in May (I was actually at her apartment when my week-long illness set in, so she got to watch my health rapidly decline firsthand!), and she called me earlier this week, but couldn’t talk much because of writing class priorities (a book of hers is being published, how cool is that?). Anyway, we talked a lot about the current political state in our country and the U.S. higher education system vs. the higher education systems in Ireland and the UK, and I told her how I'm seriously toying with the idea of applying to grad school at Trinity, and she said that was good. I went abroad for a lot of reasons, but mostly I needed a change of scenery, and I think considering how happy I’ve been here and how clear-headed it’s made me, and considering how I've always envisioned myself working some kind of administrative or writing job having to do with film (not screenwriting, per se, but journalistic, critical, and/or essay writing), this might be the direction I should go. Plus the film theory/history program, which is the degree I’d apply for, is taught by excellent people like Ruth Barton and Kevin Rockett, and studying film here is unique, in that the country’s had a long and interesting relationship with the medium, both in terms of production and in terms of censorship. It’s also only a year long, which would give me just enough time to figure out if I’d like to remain in Ireland (possibly go for a higher degree? is there a professor beneath my bones just waiting to get out?), knock around Europe, or return to the States. Once college starts up again, I have at about seven months to let it stew (applications are due in March), but the thought of it really does sound appealing. Every time I think about it, I get the sort of butterflies I used to get whenever I thought about applying to Sarah Lawrence. And look where I am now.

So. The future. It’s impending and immense and wide open. Right-o.